I don’t want to start cutting myself again I haven’t for like almost 2 years I have been so strong but every day now I’m getting weaker and weaker and getting hurt so much that I am thinking about it so much more lately the only person that has ever helped me not do it was someone I don’t talk to anymore and I promised him I never would again and that’s what’s got me through the past 2 years but I don’t no how much longer I can keep that promise even since we don’t talk anymore I’m depressed and I no it I’m not afraid to admit it but I’m scared…..I’m scared that it’s getting worse and I don’t want it to but I don’t no what to do anymore and I can’t quit thinking about what I blogged earlier either :(

I can’t help the fact that I want the pain to go away I can’t help the fact that I think of cutting myself all the time all I want is for everyone to see the really me but no one does no one stays in my life long enough to even care I’m sorry Im not like other girls I’m sorry no one wants a girl like me because I have never had sex or messed around with guys I’m sorry that I have never smoked or drank or have ever partied before I’m sorry I have never even made out with a guy before I’m sorry I’m not pretty enough for you all I want is to be accepted by not only you but everyone no one understands my feelings I always try to make everyone happy I am always there for everyone no matter what even if we aren’t talking i am always there no matter what all I want is for me to be happy every once in awhile and I was like 2 weeks ago with this one guy I liked him more then anything and being with him made me so happy but I guess he didn’t see it and I guess he was just like every other guy he played me 3 times and I let him I believed that he cared about me and wanted to be with me but I guess I was wrong Why do I always let people hurt me I don’t understand I try to make people happy and then they destroy me it’s like people don’t want me to be happy that’s why I’m so depressed….Sometimes I just want to cut myself deeper then I ever have before i am depressed and it’s sad how no one knows the pain I’m in no one can see how unhappy I am but you know why because I have been like this for a few years now I know how to play it off so well I can go to school and be the happiest person ever and someone you can love to death but when I get home it’s like I shut off I become a completely different person when I’m by myself honestly I hate being alone because when I’m alone all I do is think and make myself feel even worse I get weaker everyday I can’t be strong forever if my life is like this I wanna be the girl everyone knows me as not the girl that has to hide her self from everyone I just wish someone could help….I just want the pain to go away forever…..